The Terrified State of horror for the week of march 4th, 2024.

Fifteen and fourteen years, why am I starting my first blog post this way you may be asking. Well lucky for you, I’m about to tell you. Hop on the way back machine with me all the way back to the year of 2009 and 2010 when the very under appreciated, (only a 5.5 star rating on imdb) Friday the 13th remake and the very underwhelming Nightmare on Elm street remake graced us with their presences on silver screens across the world. Since then, we’ve had a handful of fan made titles that certainly scratched the itch but they were not big time studio releases of these beloved franchises. The reasoning behind me bringing this up is the franchise that Hollywood seems to not be able to get enough of. That franchise I am referring to is Halloween. We can not seem to figure out the Jason and Freddy situation and God Dog it here comes more Michael Myers to wet your collective whistles. Last October Mirimax landed the TV rights to the Halloween franchise, becoming teammates with Malek Akkad’s Trancas International Films to bring Haddonfield during the fall to the small screen. Early reports suggest that this new tv series will have zero continuation strings to the David Gordon Green’s Halloween trilogy, I guess evil did die tonight. Mirimax head honcho Mark Helwig in a recent interview has stated, “It’s a creative reset completely and going back to the original film.” Now my gut reaction to this news was of course, excitement because any new mount rushmore slasher content is good content, but at the same time I may have a bit of Michael Myers fatigue. So with that being said I hope that with it being a tv series it will allow some of the older characters that we haven’t seen in awhile, I’m looking at your Daniel Harris, to breathe more than they would in another feature film. If the producers don’t rely solely on Michael, Loomis, and Laurie, this TV series may have some enticing juice. Please call D. Harris!

I refused to see the first one and most likely wont see this sequel but Winnie the pooh: Blood and Honey 2 will have a three day run at theaters starting 3/26 to 3/28. So if that’s your thing then go do that thang! I wish it the best. I guess.

This week’s reviews are in and let’s just get this out of the way as quickly as humanly possible shall we. I saw Blumhouse’s new pepperoni pizza Imaginary. Now I have no interest in bashing films because I have never made a movie and I can be sure that it is incredibly hard to be produced. That being said, Imaginary quite simply is just not a good film. My review strategy for very sub par films is going to be either me saying just don’t waste your hard earned money on it or to not mention the film in question at all. Lucky for me I was accompanied by a beautiful date who grinded it out with me and for that reason alone, Imaginary will always have a special meaning and made it a great experiene. The actual film though in my humbled opinion is a please just skip it and use that money to fill up your gas tank instead. Blumhouse, if i can speak for all of the horror community, do better.

The other film I watched this week that I will touch on here is the new found footage film Frogman. Now if you know me, you know I love a good Found Footage Horror so I was excited going into this one considering the trailer looks almost like a beat for beat Blair Witch rip-off. With BWP being one of my favorite movies of all time, that gives you an idea of the bar I had set for it going in.

Okay so just got done watching Frogman. Basically a trio heads out to film a documentary on a local legend of Frogman and as their investigation gets deeper and deeper their problems begin to stack. Understandably so the formula to any found footage horror movie is that the first act has to establish one, meeting the characters and two why are these said characters setting out to film the documentary that you are about to watch. Well when this first act takes up almost 45 minutes of the film, that’s a problem. Grant it the cast is very likeable (outside of that fake southern accent) and very funny, almost to a fault. Where most FF Horror shines in the terror factor this one does not. Even when the crew eventually gets out into the woods to start hunting down Frogman, there is no tension or sense of danger. By the final act our trio stumbles upon a sequence that involves a ritual that indeed has a few shock moments but all in all it didn’t really meet my expectations. I’ll say if you are a found footage superfan and completionist like I am ,then check it out. If FF is not really your bag, I would suggest you leave Frogman unfound for the rest of time. I watched this on VOD (VUDU)

The Last Rites section will consist of a random bag of all things, whether that be Horror related items I have recently bought, Local events I have been to or announced, trailer first reactions, and whatever the hell else I’m excited for this week. The first edition of Last Rites is going to start out with a bang, a bang that includes a new Horror centric movie night here in the Valley ran by the amazing people from Chandler AZ’s own, Terror Trader. Starting March 21st Terror Trader presents SPOOK-O-RAMA! Teaming up with nearby Pollack Cinema’s for a weekly Horror movie extravaganza!! First movie up is the almighty Fede Alvarez’s masterpiece in bloodshed, EVIL DEAD! So if you live in or around the Phoenix, AZ area go to Terror Trader’s website or IG for all future info.

New trailer this week that I’ll mention is the new one starring Nic Cage entitled Arcadian due out April 12th. A Father and his twin teenage sons fight to survive in a remote farmhouse during the end of the world. Terrors are risen to even higher stakes once the sun sets. I’m totally down for this one! At first it gave me The Village vibes thinking that Nic Cage’s character is imagining the horrors that are occurring at night, which still could be the case but by the second half of the trailer you can clearly see the creatures attacking the characters. This looked solid and anything with Cage is entertaining at least.

Out this week on Physical media; The Big Cameron three in 4K Aliens, True Lies, The Abyss. I will most likely eventually get all of these, but Aliens for sure….. “mostly.” Poor Things starring Emma stone. And lastly a product that I cant recommend enough, Scream Factory’s blu-ray of Stephen King’s The Shining. Yes the TV miniseries directed by Mick Garris. It’s very long but I enjoyed it so much more as an adult.

This being my first Blog I know it’s atrocious and that’s okay. We can only get better, funnier, and bloodier from here. Thanks for reading. PS. Next week come back for my Late Night with the Devil Review! It’s going to be a big week everyone!

REVIEW: Lovecraft Country Episode 1 “Sundown” Lovecraftian Goes Mainstream

2020, a year unlike any year in my lifetime. For the horror fan in me especially. Countless titles have been pushed out of this year to be released in 2021 so personally I have been starving for anything new in the horror genre. Out comes a new HBO series entitled Lovecraft country. Now I have to admit being a lifelong fan of the genre I unfortunately have not read any books from HP Lovecraft but I am very familiar with his work that has been adopted into films for example The Re-Animator series, Castle Freak and the just recently released soon to be classic Color Out Of Space, so my interest and excitement was immediately through the roof. So the job then was to wait with anticipation for Sunday August 16th for the pilot and by the time the credits were on my screen, the wait was worth everyday. This is my blood soaked review of episode one entitled “Sundown.”

Adapting straight out of the pages of author Matt Ruff’s novel also entitled LoveCraft Country produced by Jordan Peele and show creator Misha Green, LoveCraft country follows Atticus Freeman aka “Tic” his Uncle George, and his childhood friend Letitia on a road trip across middle America in 1954 in search of Atticus’ missing father. Thus beginning a struggle to survive both racism in white America along with the unimaginable horrors found in the pages of a LoveCraft novel. Now let’s break the ice here right off the Jackie Robinson’s bat. This show is going to be heavy rooted in race inequalities and racism in general. Now, personally I am a white male and I feel uncomfortable discussing race as an issue because truthfully in my life I have not dealt with any kind of racism especially to the extent of a black person in 1950’s America. That being said, there is nothing I hate and despise more on this planet than racism and the white privileged mentality. That is not how I was raised and it’s sure as hell is not how I am going t raise my children. What this show does so incredibly well is portray to the viewer the horror, the anxiety and the overall constant fight it was during that time period to be an African America living in America or trying to anyway. From the moment our characters leave the comfy confines of segregated south side Chicago you can immediately feel the war has begun. Whether it was disgusting looks of passerby’s or the teenage rug rats at the gas station making ape noises and even tossing a banana peel at Atticus. As someone who is in their thirties as myself not living or experiencing these encounters you have to ask yourself, did all this stuff really play out like this or is it the show runners exaggerating the point for the show’s purpose? Well as I listened to the LoveCraft country podcast after watching the episode, host Ashley C. Ford not only confirmed that that was the way of life at the time, it’s still happening to this day in some small town USA. This notion took me surprised considering I went into this show as cold as I possibly could. The true horror of the show outside of the “Lovecraftian” monsters is the fear and constant unrest that the African Americans experienced on a day in and day out basis and this show expresses this masterfully. And makes you ask the question, Are people themselves actually scarier than monsters?

When I originally knew I was going to write a review for this show I laughed with myself that I could spend and entire post just on the cold open of the show. An orgasm for the eyes so to speak, whether it be scenes of the Korean War or Jackie Robinson splitting a monster in half with a baseball bat, which being a huge baseball nerd, really enjoyed the metaphor there of The monster being baseballs color barrier and Jackie smashing it to bits. It was such an epic open and sucked you right in immediately. What follows is there introduction of our main characters. Which in most pilots when I’m watching character introductions I have the tendency to sometimes almost space out on them and just waiting to see what the conflict will be. That was not the case here. I instantly had a connection with Atticus. Bonded with his love for story and adventure, finding the good in all people, and dealing with the situation of missing a father. He’s our main character here and I am all in on taking this journey with him and whoever else. Speaking of whoever else we then meet Uncle George. A peaceful and caring character that stands up for his beliefs as well as you find out later in the episode not without his flaws. I can tell already Uncle George will be a fan favorite. And lastly we meet “Leti” played by the gorgeous actress Jurnee Smollet. Now the acting in the pilot episode was top notch by everyone involved but for Jurnee it was next level. A few standout moments of her performance for me was her we need to get the F out of here right now sequence in the Diner and of course here tipping down of the sunglasses with the classic “ yeh I see you and I know you see me” face before entering the diner. I believe she had me saying out loud “ she’s awesome.” On a couple of occasions.

Uncle George- “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” Tic- “A book can’t refuse your service. Leti- “Or spit in your water.”

Our trio eventually get to a small town in Massachusetts called Devon county where they believe was the last known location of Tics father. Once arriving is when the horror elements come on full force. I won’t give anything away just in case you the reader have not watched the episode yet but I will spoil this, there are monsters and there is gore that made me use a few expletives out loud followed by fist pumping and smiles. I have been waiting for content like this all year long dealing with COVID related struggles has been tough. But if this opening episode is any indication on the excitement value that this show is going to be, my happy little ass will gladly be quarantined in front of my tv selecting that HBO max icon with a smile on my face.

I can’t really say any negatives about this pilot. The acting, the lighting, the sound design, and the freaking monsters! Cmon now. I’m fully confident that this will be HBO’s next big phenomenon in the shadows of Game of Thrones and Sopranos before it. I am so stoked to see what adventure lies in the coming months of LoveCraft Country and so should you.

“You you you need to shoot him!” – Uncle George

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Reviewed by Hugh Patrick August 17th, 2020

SCARE PACKAGE (2019) MOVIE REVIEW: A HILARIOUS BLOOD SOAKED LOVE LETTER TO HORROR FANS

June 26, 2020 By Hugh Patrick

The Shudder exclusive film entitled Scare Package was initially released during an episode of The Last Drive In on June 12th that I unfortunately had to miss. So like the Schlub that I am, I had to wait for the worldwide release on Shudder June 18th. This horror anthology originally called Tropes, has seven directors submitting their unique take on over the top, trope filled spoof horror. If you’re even the casual fan of the genre you will get some of the references and nods to past films, but if you’re astute in horror, grab your popcorn and barf bag, find your favorite chair and be ready to be entertained.

The film opens with “Cold Open” from Philadelphia born (my home town) director Emily Hagins’ (V/H/S,Coin Heist) which follows a self aware background horror movie character named “I’m not crazy.” Mike (Jon Michael Simpson) as he tries to play a more prominent role in the movie you are now watching. This leads to some hilarity as well as some bloody carnage. With the score paying homage to both late 70’s classics such as Halloween and Friday the 13, along with a certain Nightmare on Elm street shout out, that I will not give away. This was a real kick ass shot of adrenaline to start this anthology off with a smart and savage opening.

We then get introduced to the wrap around story that takes place in the generic 80’s video store named Rad Chad’s Horror Emporium. This establishment serves as a hub for our movie as store owner played by Jeremy King is meticulously training a new employee Hawn and trying to avoid Uber geek, horror fanboy Sam. With a full plate of horror nods including what’s better Leprechaun in the hood or in space? The back and forth banter should put a big old smile on your face. With these three characters it supplies the catalyst for the seven stories.

Sam will then introduce us to the next story entitled “One Time in the Woods.” (An over the top, Goo filled riff on the camping in the woods sub genre. ) Helmed by Chris McInroy. This was one of the stand outs for me. Extremely goofy, the practical effects are insanely good, and the one liners had me running to my note pad to jot them down so I wouldn’t forget.

Next up, Noah Segan, yes that detective from Knives Out Noah Segan co-wrote, directs, and stars in “M.I.S.T.E.R.” A story that to be honest was just not jiving with me at all until the third act flips everything on its head and what comes next was really freaking gnarly. When a seven or eighth minute short can have me saying “oh wow, I didn’t see this coming.” Ya gotta give it its due. Hopefully this will not be the only time Noah dips his toes into horror.

Forth is “Girls’ Night Out of Body” from the directing twin sister duo of Hillary and Courtney Andujar. This shorts story didn’t grab me as it’s a candy coated take on the Michael Myers type stalking you from outside your bedroom window. That being said the Andujar sisters who are primarily Hollywood production designers, shine with their artistic cinematography, lighting, and over all choice of color in the set design. I mean this thing is a treat to look at. Keep your eyes open for these sisters moving forward.

Next up to the plate is short number cinco. “The Night He Came Back Again! Part IV: The Final Kill” I mean just from the absurdity of the title alone, you know this is going to be a shit show and it indeed was, in the best type of way. This short directed by Anthony Cousins takes place on 4th of July. Our killer returns every year on July 4th to attempt to kill our final girl and all her friends, well this year she’s had enough and has concocted a plan. As in every horror flick plans don’t always go to well… plan. This leads to some amazingly gruesome kills with top notch practical effects. You can’t predict where this short was going next. It also has a line in it that involves jumper cables that actually had me laughing out loud on my couch. I highly enjoyed this one.

Short number Six from Baron Vaughn called “So Much To Do” was the least memorable out of the bunch. With the premise being very unique and interesting I felt it just landed with a dud. The bright spot that I can point out with this one was it has very good cgi effects that give you old school John Carpenter’s The Fog vibes.

Now finally onto the final short. “Horror Hypothesis” brought to us by Aaron B. Koontz- who directed the wrap around segments as well. This short is by far the longest of the bunch and it is quite tricky talking about without giving away spoilers. So that being said I will say this, imagine Cabin in the woods meets any slasher from the 80’s. Starring Wrestling legend Dustin Rhodes aka Goldust! Yes, I know. Exciting. This story (albeit a little choppy plot wise at times) was a lot of fun with the kills being down right unforgivingly brutal. Plus, semi spoiler. There is a freaking cameo from THE Joe Bob Briggs himself! And it’s fantastic!

Overall, Scare Package is a Blood drenched, slapstick horror comedy anthology that knows exactly what it is and nails it right between the eyes. Sure, some of the shorts are better than others but that’s what you’re going to get with anthology films. The gory gut wrenching good moments out weigh the bad in this laugh out loud absurd pile of Goo. So gather up a group of friends and have a bloody hilarious time.

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Scare Package is available on Shudder.

Featured images via ScarePackage.com